Timing is Everything

Well...
Tomorrow I leave for three weeks of vacation! This week every shift felt like it dragged on...GET ME OUT OF HERE!

And then...like a miracle, I received a job offer for my first "Big Girl Job!"

It was a very bizarre feeling to walk into Bloggiano's last night, and submit my resignation.

Dear Managers,
I know I'm leaving for vacation in two days, but....uh...I'm not coming back.
Thanks for everything!
Sincerely,
Lindsay

Probably the saddest only sad part about quitting my restaurant life (hopefully for good) is that it must mean the end of Gratuity Not Included. Booooo! After enjoying writing this blog for 7 months, I'm very sad to give it up!

 This is not the end of my writing career. Shit. 

What the hell am I going to write about now?

If you're not sure what that is...

...maybe you should just ask.

I don't get it. If you have a food aversion or allergy, shouldn't YOU be the one to double check the description of the menu item you're thinking of ordering?

The biggest culprit comes from our house salads, which have "prosciutto" listed as one of the ingredients. If you don't eat meat, or pork, and you aren't sure what "prosciutto" is....just ASK me. 
I promise I won't make fun of you.
In fact, I'm more likely to talk shit about you in the kitchen after I bring out the salad and you give me the "ew" face, telling me you thought maybe "prosciutto" was a kind of cheese.

Let me be clear. I don't eat pork. So I understand having to remove items. And that's why I totally understand a guest who asks me if our meat sauce, meatballs, or sausage are made with pork products...because I do it, too.

Another one of my favorite "we didn't know" is our dish called Chicken Saltimbocca. In the description, it says there is a layer of "prosciutto" on top of the chicken along with provolone. I can't tell you how many I've had to send back when the table cuts into the chicken and sees a bacon-like strip under the cheese.

"Well we didn't really read the description in the menu..."

No shit.

This little piggy is Italian.

Did I mention I got my Degree in Acting?

On the weekends, the managers make a big to-do of our shift meeting....remember The Nod?
On this particular night, one of the managers singled me out for a "WOW" comment written by one of my guests...
They said I was very enthusiastic and they could tell I REALLY loved my job.

Gulp.

My manager looks at me. "Lindsay, tell the group how you convey your enthusiasm to your guests to show them you love what you do."

Gulp.
Yes. I love my job so much. That's why I've been applying for other jobs the entire six months I've worked there. It's why I have to take deep breaths every time I leave a table because I'm afraid I might snap every single shift. Seriously? I'm an actress!


"Well, I really just love food and I'm enthusiastic when I talk about the menu with my guests. And I find that if I'm smiling and bubbly, they feed off my energy and find it hard to be mad at me!"

Our GM jumps in..."Haven't you guys noticed whenever you're talking to Lindsay you can't help but smile? That's why we hired her!"

Gulp.
I glanced over at Minnesota and she's dying of laughter. She knows I'm counting the hours until I leave for my three week vacation to Maui and Australia...that I'm SO over work right now and wishing I didn't have to come back!

ACTING!

Not Lost in Translation

We get a lot of Israeli guests at Bloggiano's. And despite their stereotype for low tipping and being on the rude side, I always get a little excited to hear them speak Hebrew to each other.

Imagine my surprise when one of my four tables on Easter Sunday was a party of 8 Israelis. Throughout their time at my table, I heard them discussing the menu for their Family Style order in Hebrew and was tempted to wish them a Happy Passover, but didn't want to overstep my boundaries.

When it came time to box up the food, I heard the two mothers say they wanted to split it chetzi v' chetzi, and without thinking, I jumped into the conversation and told them I could split the food for them.

One of the fathers gave me a smile. "You understand us, don't you?"

Oops. Yes! Sorry for interrupting. I understand some Hebrew from living in Tel Aviv for awhile. 

Apparently one of the mothers had thought she saw me understanding them from the start, but they all laughed. In the end, I was able to wish them a Happy Passover like I wanted....and for the record, they left me 18% without me adding the gratuity.

Large Pizza, Extra Cheese, and Mushrooms

I walk up to Table 92...

Are you all ready to order?

"Yes. We'll have a large pizza, extra cheese, and mushrooms."

Umm. Yeah....we don't actually have pizza on our menu...
I mean, we have some appetizer flatbreads, but we don't have traditional pizza.

Oh. But it's baked in an oven with cheese, right? Not just bread?

Yeah..It's more like a thin, crispy pizza though. And we only have one size.

So, it's square?

Actually...it's a rectangle??

OH! Ok, we'll have that.

Maybe you should read the menu before ordering... I don't know. Just a thought.

A lesson on Broccolini

Imagine the grandma who drinks a champagne split to her face while waiting for her teenage grandkids to meet her for lunch.

I'll tell you this much: She's never had broccolini before.

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present:

The Broccolini

I like to describe it to my guests as the lovechild of broccoli and asparagus.

This lady ordered it, despite her grandson suggesting she get asparagus instead. I do my checkback, only to find her pushing it around on the plate.
"Do you like the broccolini?"


"Well...I didn't realized it would be so....long-stemmed."


"Oh. That's pretty much the main difference between broccoli and broccolini."


"It kinda looks like a weed."


"....May I get you something else instead?"


"I'll take the asparagus."

You're right, lady. I'm sure you'll love the asparagus....the vegetable that is almost 100% stem!


Broccolini is a green vegetable similar to broccoli but with smaller florets and longer, thin stalks. Although often misidentified as young broccoli, it is a cross between broccoli and kai-lan, Chinese broccoli. A natural hybrid of the cabbage family Brassica oleracea italica x alboglabra, it was developed by the Sakata Seed Company of Yokohama, Japan with the name Chinese kale or gai lan. Broccolini's flavor is sweet, with notes of both broccoli and asparagus. -Thank you Wikipedia

I'M broccoli. Nice to meet you.

I'm serious about meatballs.

First of all....

Happy 100th Post to Gratuity Not Included!

I can't believe that I've:
a) been serving again for 7 months
b) gained so many wonderful readers in that time!
Thank you for your dedication!

On to the topic of this glorious 100th post: Meatballs!

We have a special I've nicknamed, "The meat-lover's dish" when describing it to my guests. It's a fettucini bolognese with VEAL meatballs. You know how I feel about veal. See below...
Mmmm Baby Cow!

Anyway, I was having a particularly good night, schmoozing with my guests, selling a ton of specials, and having zero problems...when I got a table of two young guys. I helped them out with the menu and one ended up going for my "meat-lover's dish!" Throughout their meal, I had time to chat with them and joke about the dish. As they slowed down on eating, all that was left on the plate was ONE last veal meatball. I came over and asked, "Are you really not going to eat that?!?" The other guy chimed in and said he saved it for him...I turned and said,
"I'll arm wrestle you for it."
I even went so far as to put my elbow onto their table.
They both laughed, and I could see in his face....he thought about it.
Then, he came back and said...."Nawww I can't arm wrestle a girl!!"

I'm 100% convinced he was afraid to lose to a girl.
I totally could have taken him.