Large Pizza, Extra Cheese, and Mushrooms

I walk up to Table 92...

Are you all ready to order?

"Yes. We'll have a large pizza, extra cheese, and mushrooms."

Umm. Yeah....we don't actually have pizza on our menu...
I mean, we have some appetizer flatbreads, but we don't have traditional pizza.

Oh. But it's baked in an oven with cheese, right? Not just bread?

Yeah..It's more like a thin, crispy pizza though. And we only have one size.

So, it's square?

Actually...it's a rectangle??

OH! Ok, we'll have that.

Maybe you should read the menu before ordering... I don't know. Just a thought.

I'm serious about meatballs.

First of all....

Happy 100th Post to Gratuity Not Included!

I can't believe that I've:
a) been serving again for 7 months
b) gained so many wonderful readers in that time!
Thank you for your dedication!

On to the topic of this glorious 100th post: Meatballs!

We have a special I've nicknamed, "The meat-lover's dish" when describing it to my guests. It's a fettucini bolognese with VEAL meatballs. You know how I feel about veal. See below...
Mmmm Baby Cow!

Anyway, I was having a particularly good night, schmoozing with my guests, selling a ton of specials, and having zero problems...when I got a table of two young guys. I helped them out with the menu and one ended up going for my "meat-lover's dish!" Throughout their meal, I had time to chat with them and joke about the dish. As they slowed down on eating, all that was left on the plate was ONE last veal meatball. I came over and asked, "Are you really not going to eat that?!?" The other guy chimed in and said he saved it for him...I turned and said,
"I'll arm wrestle you for it."
I even went so far as to put my elbow onto their table.
They both laughed, and I could see in his face....he thought about it.
Then, he came back and said...."Nawww I can't arm wrestle a girl!!"

I'm 100% convinced he was afraid to lose to a girl.
I totally could have taken him.

The nod.

Is this a waitor? Or the Godfather?...The Nodfather!

God bless our managers. They are trying SO hard to make shift meetings interesting for us...

And yet, the topic last night was a selling technique we will call, "The Nod."
We sat around discussing how if you nod to your guests as you're describing a particular dish, they're more likely to bite. Apparently, this is real selling technique, but I couldn't help but laugh as I looked around the room and 15 servers and 3 managers were all "practicing" THE NOD!
We looked like a room full of bobbleheads.

To make it even more comical, the managers had us go around the room and individually practice selling our favorite item using the nod technique. Sooo creepy. 

But for the record, I was voted into the Top 3 to win free dinner for our nodding skills! YES! 

Damned if I do...

...damned if I don't.

I took a party of 15 for lunch. Technically, I shared it with another server, but we both got pretty busy...putting most of the weight on me. 10 of the 15 show up on time, but the host isn't there yet.

Hmm. Well, they have a set Family Style menu. Should I start the first course??

If I start it, she'll arrive, see the food, and say we didn't confirm the menu with her.

So I decide to wait. Let them eat bread and start on their drinks.

Then she arrives (15 minutes late) and freaks out:

"Where is the food??"

Great. I was probably going to lose no matter what I'd done. 

Needless to say, we got off on the wrong foot, and she was on top of me the rest of the time.

Still left me 18%. Thank goodness.

Excuse me! My coffee!!

Apparently I have magical powers I'm unaware of. But my guests sure do believe in them!

The woman at Table 10 orders a decaf coffee while sharing her salad with her husband. I leave the table and go to take the order at Table 11 right after. Yes, Table 10 is directly next to Table 11. In fact, they are booths, so they are connected to each other. I'm at Table 10 for maybe a couple minutes, then start heading back towards the server alley to get Table 10's coffee.

As I'm walking past, the woman grabs my arm and says,
"Excuuuuuuse me! My COFFEE?!?"

Are you freaking kidding me, lady?? How the hell was I supposed to magically get your stupid decaf coffee when you clearly saw me at the table RIGHT next to you?!? Do I have a clone that's supposed to go get it? Can I magically make it appear? Do I have Stretch Armstrong arms that grab the coffee while I'm at my other table? And is this really a decaf coffee emergency? Wait your turn!!!Oh! And NEVER touch me again!

Deep breaths. Deep breaths.

Yes, I was actually just at the table over helping another guest, and now I'm going to get your coffee.
Fake smile. Walk away.

It took all of my strength not to make it a regular coffee....just for fun.

Oh, and that's not all.
Later, I brought the pot over to refill her coffee, and she asked me,
"Is this the same good coffee, or the other stuff?"

It's the other stuff. Just drink it. And leave. Thank you! Have a great day!

Code 45

You win, sir. 

For the oddest and most annoying response to,
Do you have any questions about the menu I can help you with?

"I'll have the Coupon 45."

Excuse me, what?!?
"You know, that pasta where you buy one and take one home."

Ugh. That beats the server who just tells guests it's on the, "second page, bottom left" before they have a chance to ask.

From here on out, I will refer to tables who are guaranteed to order the two for one pasta deal as:

CODE 45
We got a code 45 over on table 15...Yeah, that sounds perfect.

"You could buy yourself a new car!"

14 insurance salesman from Kansas City.
2 female servers.
It's on.

I see nothing wrong with using feminine powers to get a better tip.
"Hello gentlemen! My name is Lindsay, and this is Minnesota....and we'll take great care of you tonight! Now, what are we drinkin'?"

Serious amounts of flirtatious laughter and batting eyelashes later, we'd gotten their bill up to about $550 when one of the salesman informs me they need individual checks.
FML.
Since we were kinda slow that night, my manager ok'd it, especially since I worked it out that I couldn't split their alcohol by who drank what...we'd just split the total by 14 and add gratuity.

14 credit cards later, they were all paid out (and no one else could find a check presenter) and we were thanking them for coming in!

"You could buy yourself a new car with that tip!" 
Sorry Mr. Insurance Man, but $91 doesn't go that far when you split it amongst SIX people.
Thanks for making my week night a bit more interesting, though!

WINNING!

Duh.

Ok, that's my one and only Charlie Sheen reference.

I know it seems like all I ever do is bitch. Effing guests! Shitty tips! Annoying co-workers! Anal managers! 

Bleepity bleep bleep bleeeeeeeeeeep!

But the truth is, some days are GOOD.
Apparently I've been making a lot of people feel special, because I've gotten a string of amazing surveys about me:

"Lindsay is a FANTASTIC server! My wife has a gluten allergy and Lindsay helped her choose an item she'd love. And when she saw us opening gifts for my wife's birthday, she brought out a plate of fruit instead of the usual complimentary birthday cookies, knowing my wife wouldn't be able to enjoy them. It was very thoughtful!"

"Lindsay is so friendly and knowledgeable about the menu. She helped us with our selections, and even brought a sample of the wine we ordered to try before deciding."


"Lindsay is the best server on the planet. She carried all 14 of our entrées out at once! She spoon-fed me my Rigatoni D! Even the water tastes better when Lindsay pours it!!!"

Ok, that last one is fake.
But the others are real! And I got 3 more just like it in the past week. So Bloggiano's decided to reward me....with a $20 giftcard to their sister restaurant, that serves fast-food lower quality Italian food (compared to ours). Thanks for that. Just what I wanted. To go eat Italian food. 

I also got introduced to one of the visiting corporate Big Wigs in town. While doing my checkout, I overheard he and my GM discussing hiring techniques and how you can tell if someone isn't smiling or looking happy while waiting for an interview, that they won't be a good fit...then my GM interrupts saying, "Oh, well have you met Lindsay??" 
Gee. Thanks GM. Because I'm SO unhappy looking and NEVER smile. And she says, "Oh no! That's not what I meant! She's great!" Cut to the next day when she made sure to tell me he loved meeting me and asked her all about me....no thanks to her awesome introduction.

One more little pat on my back: I've been asked to start training to be a cocktail server. The managers told me it's for the "best" servers. The male serving staff told me it's because they just realized all of our cocktailers are ugly, and they need some eye candy. Hey, maybe it's both! I'll take it. Now I just need to improve my alcohol knowledge!

What's your favorite cocktail???

Clusterf*ck Weekend

I went to bed with my feet throbbing from an 8 hour shift.
I woke up, and they still hurt.

This weekend was a clusterfuck. There's no other way to describe it.

SATURDAY
Saturday morning didn't start off well. I was feeling pretty chipper while setting up the restaurant (thank you ipod) until I was 5 minutes from break time and our GM asked me to take my co-worker, Minnesota, to urgent care. Apparently she popped her back while getting out of the car. No break for me.

Right when I got back, the restaurant opened and I had my first crazy hit with only 2 of us serving. Awesome. We're supposed to have 7 servers on this lunch shift, but with one person calling in, and Minnesota in the ER, we're down to 5. The first turn was smooth, and my friend Jared even came in with his mom to get his birthday lunch (Hi Jared!) but right as they were leaving, things started to get wild.

I had so many tables, and no partnered sections so we were all on our own. It was so bad I actually had to scroll down to look at all my tables on the computer screen. Me, a girl who normally cocktails (and worked my last Saturday clusterfuck shift with me), Homer, and the Old Lady from my serving class who SUCKS....wait, that's only 4 servers you say? Ya, because they cut one girl early at 1pm. WHY??

For the rest of the day, I never had less than 5 tables at once, usually more like 8, while also getting large parties. I nearly drowned. "In the weeds" can't even describe it. It was one of those days where I didn't even know how to help myself, my brain was scrambled and I just ran from table to table. Thankfully, I still got AWESOME tips because I kept smiling and hid my panic well. Even though I wanted to cry, I made almost $200 that lunch....the most I've ever walked with at Bloggiano's. So I guess it was worth the craziness!
Sales: $1250

SUNDAY
Worked a closing dinner shift, which I seriously hate. I really need to tell the manager I don't want to be a night closer. So not worth it. This shift was ALSO a madhouse because we had about 300 reservations, where we normally have about 150. Right when we came on at 4:30, the bussers were on break. Awesome. It was nuts. My partner ended up taking the bulk of our small tables, while I took our large parties. Both went really well until on my second party of 13 doing Family Style where the kitchen FORGOT my salmon entrée. SHIT. And that's not an easy item to make "on the fly." I did the right thing and got a manager involved. Didn't want to risk my tip on a bill that was over $400! The host was a little on edge, but the group was wow'd by the manager and chef hand-delivering the items and then bringing out a special VIP dessert platter. Phew. Still got my 18%. 
Sales: $1100

Net Sales from this Weekend: $2350 

Who wants to give me a foot massage??

Can you feel the love tonight?

Nope.

Just like every other holiday I've worked, (and I've worked them ALL) Valentine's Day is a day people have to spend money when they don't want to spend money. So what do they skip out on?? You guessed it!

"Oh hey, folks! Have you heard about our special Valentine menu for two? It's $79 for an appetizer, 2 side salads, two entrees and dessert with two glasses of wine!" 

Cut to when I see what they've left me after they thank me SO much for the wonderful service, and multiple cocktails: 10% tip. Am I still in America?!?

WHAT THE EFF?!? I canNOT feel the love tonight, people! Not only should you feel bad for me that I'm working a holiday, but you should tip me extra for making your special freaking night special as can be!!!

My worst tips for the night (and possibly EVER):

$10 on $93
$15 on $106
$3.13 on $42

By the end of the night, I started to want to tell the men at my table: "Tell your lady to get the chipper chicken if you can't afford to tip me an appropriate amount!" 
(I hope you get my Father of the Bride reference)
My last table had the Vday special, plus 3 beers for the guy. The bill came to $108. I took the payment: $100 in giftcard, and $16 in cash. Hmmm, maybe he doesn't realize he's only tipping me $8...
So I hand him the change and the receipt from the giftcard. "You didn't have to bring this back," he says. And leaves it as is. You're really going to not tip me 20% when you didn't even really pay the bill out of your own pocket?!?
DICK.

Ladies who dined at Bloggiano's for Valentine's Day: You are all dating cheapskates. 

Congratulations. 

Mmmm, Baby Cow

Some of you may be against this, but dammit I do love veal.

Right now we have a braised veal as one of our specials, and every time I'm at a table, I suggest it.
I really try to be as detailed as possible to show my guests I've actually tasted it, but I'm 99% sure

NONE

of my guests believe I eat it.

I may be a 5'3 little girl, but believe me, I love me some baby cow.

...And I'm not afraid to admit it!

Moo.
(For you, Kyle)

Mormon Pink Sauce

Obviously I am sitting here looking at that title, giggling like a 12 year old. 

The best part about is it's a direct quote from my table of Mormons last night.

My party of 10 sits down, very friendly, and I go to get drink orders. Waters all around, and 2 Diet Cokes. Awesome. Thank goodness they are doing Family Style. Bloggiano's should be proud of how "special" I made them feel, while stuffing my pockets with their Mormon cash. They couldn't decide on only two appetizers, so I told them they could get three appetizers and one salad instead. 

Hallelujah! 

When they STILL couldn't decide on only three, I suggested they order an additional onion strings for the teenagers. 

Hallelujah! 

When they asked me about the vodka in the gnocchi's pink sauce, they informed me that they were all Mormon and couldn't have alcohol. Ohhhh now I get why there's no wine on the table! I kindly told them we are a scratch kitchen and can make the sauce without vodka.

"Tell the chef we need Mormon pink sauce!" -says the father of the table whose birthday they are celebrating.

Hallelujah!

Even with their millions of questions, I was feeling especially friendly and they loved me. This is a new thing for me since I dated a Mormon once and his mother hated me for being Jewish. "Aren't you nervous about going to hell when you die?" Yep, that happened. 

Anyway, dessert time rolls around and we have another alcohol issue. They definitely want cheesecake, but also want chocolate. Unfortunately, most of our chocolate desserts have liqueur, so that's not an option. I suggest my glorious Apple Crostada, and they go for it! I bring out two plates with "Happy Birthday" written in chocolate and they are totally wow'd. And when someone asks what's in Spumoni and I tell them how delicious ours is, they get an extra order!

Hallelujah!

Their bill got to $314 without any drinks, alcohol, or coffee....and I was pretty pleased! And to make it even better, they added any extra $20 for tip beyond the 18% included! 

Hallelujah! Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Halleeeeelujah!!!

Skinny Bitches

Here's a tip: If you're on a diet, DON'T eat at Bloggiano's.

I had a table of 8 women, counting their Weight Watcher's points. "Skinny Sangrias" all around!

Now, that would be okay with me because they're $8.25 a piece, (lesser calories thanks to Splenda in the syrup)  but it all started to go downhill after that...

Let's count the Voids I had to make my manager deal with:

1) One Skinny Sangria sent back because she didn't like it.

2) I brought stuffed mushrooms as an entrée for one of the women who had to be in and out quickly. She sent them back because we "must have changed the recipe." I explained that all we only added the spinach that used to be sprinkled on top into the breadcrumb mixture itself, tinting the stuffing a bit green. She told me I was wrong. You're right, lady. I'm lying...because I care that much.

3) Once another girl realized someone sent back the sangria, she sent hers back also...after having drank half of it.

4) A salad sent back because the chicken "tasted funny."

5) And finally, the only void that was actually my fault: I had to take off a Stella draft because I didn't know we were 86'd.

I just don't understand why you'd plan your birthday dinner at a Family Style Italian restaurant if you're watching your figure. There are plenty of restaurants with special diet menu items and calories listed everywhere. Why torture yourself?!? I suggested the flatbreads to two ladies because they actually have the least amount of calories compared to our other dishes, but instead they got shrimp scampi....no butter....easy, easy oil, no salt.  Yummy. 

I'd rather have a lean cuisine.

20% in 2011

I'm on a mission... to educate diners about proper tip etiquette.

One of my New Year's Resolutions is to not assume the worst of people, mainly my guests at Bloggiano's.
I WANT to believe the verbal tippers and people I've served well WANT to leave me a good tip. Maybe they really just don't know how...

So here we go, kiddies! Today's math lesson is inspired by a little song and dance I did for my friend, Alex and his family, when they came in to eat the other night. (As I told you before, Alex, if you don't request me next time...we will no longer be friends. And you're welcome, for mentioning you in the blog!) 

Tip your server 20%, which I strongly believe you should do unless something THEY did made the experience bad. I'm not talking about you not liking your food, or the kitchen being super busy, or the wait being long....I'm saying the server ignores your requests or is just a jackass.

Here's the easiest way to figure it out:

1) Look at the total
2) Move the decimal point over ONCE to the left
3) Multiply times 2

Ta-da!! 20%!!! You did it!!!

Example: Bill total is $43.95. Now we move the decimal over and it's $4.39. Multiply times two and you get about $8.78. TWENTY PERCENT!! :)

Another basic idea: For every $5 your meal costs, tip $1. So if you meal is $35, your tip should be $7. If your meal is $70, your tip should be $14. Learn your times table for the number FIVE, and you're golden!

...to all of my loyal readers! Be safe tonight! And don't worry, I'm serving it up at Bloggiano's NYE and New Year's Day! I'll be back in the new year with some great stories and rants for you!

Noooo I left my cake behind!

My first table was a six-top. It's Lisa's birthday. Her mom is clearly in charge of the celebration.

Right away I knew they were big spenders, since Lisa's mom took it upon herself to tell the whole table about the Today & Tomorrow pasta deal: Buy one of our classic pastas today, and you get to take home another of your choice for free. Did I mention the deal is only $12.95? Argh. 

Six Today & Tomorrow's later with a lot of patience and smiling on my part, Lisa's mom and her guests were LOVING me. I even took special care to separate everyone's boxes by couple without them asking and took extra care of her elderly parents. At the end I was told they had a cake in the back. Oh, what? You mean the big spenders aren't going to BUY dessert?? What a surprise. 

Anyway, I brought it out, and they were thrilled. Lisa's mom even told me she'd save a slice of the chocolate cake for me if I wanted it! Finally someone gets it, @FuckMyTable! (You guys should really check out her blog. It's hilarious.)

As Lisa's mom left, I accidentally walked past as she told the hostess to tell the manager that "Lindsay is a wonderful server and we loved her." Score. I even saw the hostess go over to tell the manager later...

Only two problems with this story:

1) I just realized I left my cake in the mini fridge in the server alley. No way will it still be there tomorrow. Servers are like vultures when it comes to unattended cake.
2) The manager never came to tell me they said that about me. Way to support your staff's awesomeness, Bloggiano's.

Rose thinks I'm funny.

You remember Rose, right?

I chatted with her for awhile about wanting to open a restaurant one day. Ideally it would be an all-day breakfast spot serving the kinds of glorious foods I ate in Israel. The Israeli breakfast is far supreme to the Rooty Tooty Fresh and Fruity, lemme tell ya!

(Photo by Leetal Elmaleh)

I'm not sure what exactly I was saying, but apparently she found me entertaining:

"You're really funny. And you're Jewish. You know what you should do?"

What, Rose?

"Marry a rich man, and use his money to open your restaurant."

I'll work on that. Thanks.

Anything else I can bring you? No, SERIOUSLY. Tell me now.

It was my partner's turn in the rotation to take tables, but when he offered me an extra out of turn, I gladly accepted. I need the money.

He must have known. They were one of THOSE tables.

Right as I walked up, they bombarded me with a million questions before I could even ask if they'd like some bread. Miss Bossy (clearly in charge of the group's plans) asks me about the specials and then says she hates everything I just said. Ok. She also doesn't like any breaded chicken dishes and doesn't understand that scallopine is just a pounded chicken breast. We go with the chicken marsala for her, with the marsala sauce on the side (EW) and VERY light sauce on her angel hair with aglio olio. She also orders a chopped salad for the table, insists on easy dressing (but extra dressing on the side) and nix's the proscuitto without asking anyone if they'd want it on the side. I put some on the side, anyway. She also doesn't understand why you can't substitute chicken for the proscuitto without an extra charge. Ten minutes later, I leave to get their drinks. Thankfully, my partner has maintained my other tables who've practically gotten through their whole meal in the time I've been gone.

With all the little "on the sides" and the extra minced garlic, butter, red chili flakes, and a whole bottle of olive oil, the table was almost too packed for the actual food. 

Look, I know there are annoying bitches picky people out there, but this got ridiculous. Every time I went back to the table I asked if there was anything else I could bring them. One person wants a coffee. I come back. One person wants a tea. Anyone ELSE need something??? Can I switch my coffee to iced coffee? I come back. Can I get whole milk instead of half & half? Seriously! Tell me everything you want....all in one go! I swear it will be much faster. UGH. Now I hate my partner for giving me this table.

I've officially decided I could never be friends with someone who asks for the caramel sauce on the side for our apple crostada. It's a deal-breaker.

The Verbal Tip.

After a long shift on the patio not making much money, I was happy that the bartender offered me one more table before I left.

The couple was great. My service was spot on: I got her two different tastes of wine to try. I modified her dish EXACTLY the way she wanted it. I refilled his lemonade before he asked. I made a personal connection and told them about my life aspirations.

As I dropped the check, the couple thanked me for MAKING their experience there. They said they felt like we'd all dined together, and they've never had a better time at Bloggiano's. Naturally, I got even more excited the bartender had given me the table. And the $26 PPA (per person average) didn't hurt either.

I'M GOING TO GET A HUGE TIP. 25%? 30%???

$10 on $54.

Toto, I don't think we're in Newport Beach anymore.


I know, I know, that's a good tip. But, the Verbal Tip is NOT money in my pocket. I'm glad you like me. I feel all warm and fuzzy inside. I'd rather have an extra $5. Sorry.

People: If you're going to tell your server you love them and had the best experience ever, maybe you should give them a little bit extra.

Thanks,
Your Server (that makes minimum wage plus tips)

OMG I made tips!

Are you ready for how much I walked with on my first day making my own tips?

$5.

Oh wait...it was actually $6 because my busser felt sorry for me and wouldn't let me tip him out.

At least my PPA (per person average) was $23, and ya know what, I treated all THREE of my guests like kings and queens.

I rule.
(cue sarcasm)


Oh crap, I just spent my tips and then some on a halloween costume. Ugh. Tomorrow's a new day.

What's up, Abe? 

Rigatoni D, here we come!

As mentioned in a previous post, getting 100% on all of my training tests meant a free Family Style Dinner for me and three friends. Felt pretty easy the whole way through, until it came to the wine and alcohol test. Last time I worked for Bloggiano's, this was the test I had to retake. It's easy to memorize the food ingredients, because you have the visual of the dish. But trying to memorize 31 wines by the glass and every kind of alcohol we carry is simply that: Memorizing.


On Sunday night before Monday's test, I texted one of my friends excited for his free dinner that I wasn't sure it was going to happen. I partied all weekend instead of resting (typical) and my brain still felt full of pasta, incapable of retaining any more information.

I resorted to mnemonics and little stories to remember everything...

Pinot Grigio: PECS
Placido
Ecco Domani
Coppola
Santa Margarita

Cabernet:
Woodbridge, Cellar #8, is where Louis Martini, J.Lohr and Coppola live

Don't ask me how these things worked, but I sped through those tests so fast it felt as though I'd blacked out.

The final certification for training meant a 'mock serving' of the managers. I was pretty nervous about this as well, because a table of managers is WAY more intimidating than a real table of guests. Thank goodness it ended up being just our training manager and his assistant, who are both pretty laid back and nice. When it was my turn to serve them, they realized they were starving so instead of using the training mode and pretending to bring items, I actually served them lunch.

My "Controlled Chaos" theory worked, and I didn't miss a single step of service. I refilled drinks when I saw glasses half-full, and my entrées came out the moment they finished their soups/salads. I felt really confident about how it went, and am happy to report the managers were extremely impressed. In fact, he told me I scored the highest out of the 12 servers in training. Oh, AND I got 100% on my wine and alcohol test!

Ok, so I'm a perfectionist. Could be worse. Rigatoni D, here we come!!!

And if you've never enjoyed Rigatoni D, here it is! Rigatoni pasta, tossed in a creamy marsala wine sauce with button mushrooms, caramelized onions, and fresh basil/parsley...by far, the most popular dish at Bloggiano's. (Thanks Yelp for the pic!)