If you're not sure what that is...

...maybe you should just ask.

I don't get it. If you have a food aversion or allergy, shouldn't YOU be the one to double check the description of the menu item you're thinking of ordering?

The biggest culprit comes from our house salads, which have "prosciutto" listed as one of the ingredients. If you don't eat meat, or pork, and you aren't sure what "prosciutto" is....just ASK me. 
I promise I won't make fun of you.
In fact, I'm more likely to talk shit about you in the kitchen after I bring out the salad and you give me the "ew" face, telling me you thought maybe "prosciutto" was a kind of cheese.

Let me be clear. I don't eat pork. So I understand having to remove items. And that's why I totally understand a guest who asks me if our meat sauce, meatballs, or sausage are made with pork products...because I do it, too.

Another one of my favorite "we didn't know" is our dish called Chicken Saltimbocca. In the description, it says there is a layer of "prosciutto" on top of the chicken along with provolone. I can't tell you how many I've had to send back when the table cuts into the chicken and sees a bacon-like strip under the cheese.

"Well we didn't really read the description in the menu..."

No shit.

This little piggy is Italian.

A lesson on Broccolini

Imagine the grandma who drinks a champagne split to her face while waiting for her teenage grandkids to meet her for lunch.

I'll tell you this much: She's never had broccolini before.

Ladies and Gentlemen, may I present:

The Broccolini

I like to describe it to my guests as the lovechild of broccoli and asparagus.

This lady ordered it, despite her grandson suggesting she get asparagus instead. I do my checkback, only to find her pushing it around on the plate.
"Do you like the broccolini?"


"Well...I didn't realized it would be so....long-stemmed."


"Oh. That's pretty much the main difference between broccoli and broccolini."


"It kinda looks like a weed."


"....May I get you something else instead?"


"I'll take the asparagus."

You're right, lady. I'm sure you'll love the asparagus....the vegetable that is almost 100% stem!


Broccolini is a green vegetable similar to broccoli but with smaller florets and longer, thin stalks. Although often misidentified as young broccoli, it is a cross between broccoli and kai-lan, Chinese broccoli. A natural hybrid of the cabbage family Brassica oleracea italica x alboglabra, it was developed by the Sakata Seed Company of Yokohama, Japan with the name Chinese kale or gai lan. Broccolini's flavor is sweet, with notes of both broccoli and asparagus. -Thank you Wikipedia

I'M broccoli. Nice to meet you.

Gag.

This is bad.
I had an audible reaction to a table's gross table manners.

I'm serving a table of 5 and when their food comes, I notice the parmesan cheese container is missing a serving spoon, so I say to the table,
"Oh! Let me get you a spoon for the parmesan cheese"

I leave immediately, head straight for the spoons, and return within a minute only to find:

THIS GIRL IS USING HER FINGERS AND SPRINKLING THE CHEESE ON HER FOOD!
I'm talking, dipping her hand in the container that sits on the table all day, available to all who sit at that table!

I walked up, must have had a look of disgust and said, "Uhhhck. Um, here's the spoon."

Gag.

And, yes. I did change out the cheese after they left. Gross.

WINNING!

Duh.

Ok, that's my one and only Charlie Sheen reference.

I know it seems like all I ever do is bitch. Effing guests! Shitty tips! Annoying co-workers! Anal managers! 

Bleepity bleep bleep bleeeeeeeeeeep!

But the truth is, some days are GOOD.
Apparently I've been making a lot of people feel special, because I've gotten a string of amazing surveys about me:

"Lindsay is a FANTASTIC server! My wife has a gluten allergy and Lindsay helped her choose an item she'd love. And when she saw us opening gifts for my wife's birthday, she brought out a plate of fruit instead of the usual complimentary birthday cookies, knowing my wife wouldn't be able to enjoy them. It was very thoughtful!"

"Lindsay is so friendly and knowledgeable about the menu. She helped us with our selections, and even brought a sample of the wine we ordered to try before deciding."


"Lindsay is the best server on the planet. She carried all 14 of our entrées out at once! She spoon-fed me my Rigatoni D! Even the water tastes better when Lindsay pours it!!!"

Ok, that last one is fake.
But the others are real! And I got 3 more just like it in the past week. So Bloggiano's decided to reward me....with a $20 giftcard to their sister restaurant, that serves fast-food lower quality Italian food (compared to ours). Thanks for that. Just what I wanted. To go eat Italian food. 

I also got introduced to one of the visiting corporate Big Wigs in town. While doing my checkout, I overheard he and my GM discussing hiring techniques and how you can tell if someone isn't smiling or looking happy while waiting for an interview, that they won't be a good fit...then my GM interrupts saying, "Oh, well have you met Lindsay??" 
Gee. Thanks GM. Because I'm SO unhappy looking and NEVER smile. And she says, "Oh no! That's not what I meant! She's great!" Cut to the next day when she made sure to tell me he loved meeting me and asked her all about me....no thanks to her awesome introduction.

One more little pat on my back: I've been asked to start training to be a cocktail server. The managers told me it's for the "best" servers. The male serving staff told me it's because they just realized all of our cocktailers are ugly, and they need some eye candy. Hey, maybe it's both! I'll take it. Now I just need to improve my alcohol knowledge!

What's your favorite cocktail???

Mmmm, Baby Cow

Some of you may be against this, but dammit I do love veal.

Right now we have a braised veal as one of our specials, and every time I'm at a table, I suggest it.
I really try to be as detailed as possible to show my guests I've actually tasted it, but I'm 99% sure

NONE

of my guests believe I eat it.

I may be a 5'3 little girl, but believe me, I love me some baby cow.

...And I'm not afraid to admit it!

Moo.
(For you, Kyle)

Skinny Bitches

Here's a tip: If you're on a diet, DON'T eat at Bloggiano's.

I had a table of 8 women, counting their Weight Watcher's points. "Skinny Sangrias" all around!

Now, that would be okay with me because they're $8.25 a piece, (lesser calories thanks to Splenda in the syrup)  but it all started to go downhill after that...

Let's count the Voids I had to make my manager deal with:

1) One Skinny Sangria sent back because she didn't like it.

2) I brought stuffed mushrooms as an entrée for one of the women who had to be in and out quickly. She sent them back because we "must have changed the recipe." I explained that all we only added the spinach that used to be sprinkled on top into the breadcrumb mixture itself, tinting the stuffing a bit green. She told me I was wrong. You're right, lady. I'm lying...because I care that much.

3) Once another girl realized someone sent back the sangria, she sent hers back also...after having drank half of it.

4) A salad sent back because the chicken "tasted funny."

5) And finally, the only void that was actually my fault: I had to take off a Stella draft because I didn't know we were 86'd.

I just don't understand why you'd plan your birthday dinner at a Family Style Italian restaurant if you're watching your figure. There are plenty of restaurants with special diet menu items and calories listed everywhere. Why torture yourself?!? I suggested the flatbreads to two ladies because they actually have the least amount of calories compared to our other dishes, but instead they got shrimp scampi....no butter....easy, easy oil, no salt.  Yummy. 

I'd rather have a lean cuisine.

I don't care if you're Italian. Part Due

Remember this post?

Well, this picture explains my point perfectly. One of my guests asked for a pen to sign-up for our email listserv...

Very clever, Mr. Corleone.

I've always been more of a "Goodfellas" fan...

I don't care if you're Italian.

I've always worked for Italian restaurants. And I'm always baffled by the "real" Italians who come in to eat.

You know you're at a chain restaurant where Mexicans are cooking your Italian food, right???

This time it was Franco and his family. He insisted on saying "gratzi" to everything I supplied him with, and therefore insisted I respond with "prego."

"You know, Prego, like the Paul Newman sauce...it means you're welcome in Italian."

Oh. Cool. I don't care.

He also inspected his wine glass with the most detail I've ever witnessed. Thankfully, I'd made sure it was spotless before bringing it to the table. Throughout the meal, Franco remarked at my wonderful service. When the manager came by to see how everything was, they raved about me. Thanks Franco!

I guess he was still feeling European when he tipped me $10 on $78. 

Bloggianos is definitely authentic Italian food. Nope.

Damn Yams

While most of America spent Thanksgiving in a tryptophan coma with family and friends, the employees at Bloggiano's were working. Every year, they provide a special Thanksgiving Family Style Menu for a whopping $35 per person for the people who don't want to cook.

I was scheduled to work the AM shift, and to be honest, I was okay with working because I need the money. On Wednesday morning, my general manager called to ask if I'd be able to work the PM shift instead. Ummmm yes please! As I've mentioned before, the new servers are only working lunch shifts right now, so it meant a lot that she trusted me to work the dinner shift (even though it was the same menu all day). It also meant potentially a lot more money, so I said sorry to the fam and accepted.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't nervous on Thursday before I walked into my 2:30 call time. I knew how I did on this day could mean impressing the managers enough to move up to dinners, but I was also nervous that I wouldn't know any of the PM servers. Right when I walked into the room where we meet, everyone asked, "Are you Lindsay???" But I felt comfortable and was ready to kick some butt....that is, AFTER we ate our own mini turkey day dinner in the middle of the empty mall. At least I got to work off those calories after I ate!
Thanks Bloggiano's for at least providing your employees with some yummy food! 


My "section buddy" and I decided it would be best to pool our tips today in order to provide great service to everyone at our tables. It worked out pretty well, and in general, I had great guests who were happy to celebrate the holiday.

I don't know why it's always the last table that gives the most trouble, but I nearly lost it this time. A party of 6, they were totally indecisive about EVERYTHING. People, it's not that hard. It's basically a multiple choice test...but with food. You can't fail. After an hour of delaying their entrees, the turkey and sides all come out and look great. I go to do my check-back, and they complain about the sweet potatoes. Oh boy. You see, this year Bloggiano's decided to use pale yellow sweet potatoes to make their side, so the color was different than the typical orange sweet potatoes with marshmallows on top. Mind you, they still taste sweet...but THIS table started going nuts over the color. They kept asking me for regular sweet potatoes, not understanding we didn't have those....

"These aren't sweet potatoes. We wanted sweet potatoes."

Well Ma'am, these are yellow sweet potatoes but I assure you they are still 'sweet potatoes.'

"Yes, but we want the sweet potatoes. These aren't sweet potatoes."

Ok, well this is our only option for sweet potatoes. Would you prefer our garlic mashed potatoes instead?

"No we want sweet potatoes."

Yes, and I would love to mash them right in your face!!
Let me see what the chef can do for you...

UGH. Then, I snapped a little bit when it came to the cranberry sauce. Every time I went out there, they asked for more cranberry. And there was always some on the table. Food runners laughed as I'd come in for yet another container. The last time I brought out a bigger bowl, and as soon as I set it down, I was asked for more. I just had to say it....
"Welllllll....HERE is a brand new bowl. And if you need more after that, just let me know." 


I have tons to be thankful for. Aside from my wonderful family and friends, I am extremely thankful for my job in these hard times....even when I want to "accidentally" drop a bowl of cranberry sauce on a guest's lap. :)

Happy Thanksgiving, Everyone!! 

Oh, and here's some info on sweet potatoes and the color varieties...Educate yourself! 

V.I.P Family Style for FREE!

I decided to cash in my free Family Style for 4 last week. As mentioned before, I'd already promised two seats to my friends Ryan and Kyle, and rounded out the group with my friend Jenny who's also been a slave to the restaurant world for years.

We met at the restaurant at 8, thinking it would be late enough on a weeknight to not interrupt their dinner rush. I got a little nervous to bring my friends... At my previous serving job, if I walked in my guests and I were treated like kings and queens, but I'm still a newbie at Bloggiano's. No one on the night shifts know me. One of our assistant managers walked by as I stood by the host stand. He saw me smiling, but had no idea who I was. See! I told you that stupid uniform hides that I can look attractive! Anyway, we were seated to one of the booths and I was excited to see a familiar face come up to serve us, one of the guys who closes with me on most lunch shifts. We got our order in and got ready for the feast with a bottle of Pinot Noir...

Our Family Style Dinner Menu Choices

Two Appetizers: Zucchini Fritte and Stuffed Mushrooms
Two Salads: Chopped Salad and Spinach Salad
Four Entrées: Rigatoni D, Mom's Favorite Lasagna, Chicken Parmesan, and Chicken Saltimbocca
Two Desserts: Apple Crostada and Pumpkin Cheesecake

If you remember correctly, Family Style is normally a flat rate per person, and you make choices from the categories I listed above and it comes out in three courses, with portions made for the amount in your party. It's a LOT of food!

After the first course came out (the apps and salads), I warned my friends not to eat too much too soon....there's a ton of food coming! Normally, Family Style is replenish-able by course, but you have to ask for more of what you want, and you have to eat some of it! You can't just order it, simply to have it boxed up for later. (People always try to cheat the system.) My jaw dropped when Danny, our server, came out with the mushrooms and shrugged, "I figured...why not?" 


When the second course came out, I HAD to get a pic for the blog. It's just too good.

Oh yeah. At 6 o'clock, you'll see the Famous Rigatoni D....the dish that made Ryan and Kyle want to drive over the hill to the Valley.

Thank goodness my friends are good eaters, because we powered through the second course until we felt completely stuffed. (I'm glad I purposely wore my stretchy pants and a top that hid my food baby!) Just when I was ordering the boys to eat more..."I worked hard for this dinner, dammit!!"... Danny walked up with refires of the Rigatoni D and Chicken Parm.

"I figured....hey, why not?!?"


A second bottle of Pinot later, and we were packing up 10 to-go boxes of food to take home and praying we'd be able to eat the dessert. What an intense amount of food...I swear I started to get the food sweats, Jersey Shore-style. But I held strong for my favorite: Apple Crostada! For a party of four, we SHOULD have gotten one of each dessert, but Danny (who I am now realizing wants me to be a fatty) brought us TWO of each! The crostada was just as amazing as I hoped, but I felt like I'd never eat again afterward.

A bill that should have been $206 without tip turned out to be $85 with the free Family Style! Even though it wasn't a totally "free" dinner, it was an amazing experience and I'm so glad I could share it with my friends! Thanks so much you guys!!! Of course, we left Danny a huge tip for hooking us up and making it fun!

I didn't eat for a whole day after. And I'm pretty sure my friends ate Bloggiano's leftovers the rest of the week!

Friends in High Places

What's my #1 priority when starting at a new restaurant?

It's not making friends. It's not impressing the managers.

I introduce myself to everyone in the kitchen, and to the food runners and bussers. 

Look, I'm a girl. I see absolutely nothing wrong with flirting with being extra nice to the people who make my food, run my food, and clear my tables. They are a huge part of how I make my money. I depend on them, and they depend on me to tip them out for their help.

The first of the many bussers to fall for me was Sylvester. From the first shift, he gave me extra help, and he's also the one who refused my tip out when I made $5 that day. 

Mario quickly followed. Known by most of the staff as "64" (video games, anyone?) he's my guy when I need to make a latte or cappuccino. Sure, I've been trained to make them, but he loves when I come to him and say, "Mario you'd be my HERO if you helped me make a latte!" ::subtly bats eyelashes::

Now whenever he sees me it's, "I'm your hero today, ok?" 

And now there's my food runners. Sometimes it's Adrien, who fist-bumps me whenever he sees me because I told him he'd have to tip ME out for helping him run everyone's food the whole shift. But the star is really Juan, who's known as "Oso." (Spanish for bear) He's exactly what you're imagining: a giant Mexican man who can carry 10 plates on each arm, but is as sweet as a teddy bear. 

Oso and Sylvester have both become my buddies, and after talking to me for a little bit the inevitable question arose: "Why don't you have a boyfriend?"

UGH. I know it's their way of flirting, but boy do I hate that question. Bitter, party of 1.

For the record, this is all harmless and not sexual harassment. They're both happily married. 

***To my old co-workers from Mama D's: (Best Italian restaurant in Orange County, BTW. You should go.)

Tell Roberto I'm DEFINITELY not cheating on him. My heart still belongs to the head chef, and if he ever decides to leave his wife and kids, we're getting married. ;)

Moral of the story: I love being racially ambiguous. 

The guests think I'm Italian. The kitchen staff thinks I'm a Senorita. 

Win, win.

Rigatoni D, here we come!

As mentioned in a previous post, getting 100% on all of my training tests meant a free Family Style Dinner for me and three friends. Felt pretty easy the whole way through, until it came to the wine and alcohol test. Last time I worked for Bloggiano's, this was the test I had to retake. It's easy to memorize the food ingredients, because you have the visual of the dish. But trying to memorize 31 wines by the glass and every kind of alcohol we carry is simply that: Memorizing.


On Sunday night before Monday's test, I texted one of my friends excited for his free dinner that I wasn't sure it was going to happen. I partied all weekend instead of resting (typical) and my brain still felt full of pasta, incapable of retaining any more information.

I resorted to mnemonics and little stories to remember everything...

Pinot Grigio: PECS
Placido
Ecco Domani
Coppola
Santa Margarita

Cabernet:
Woodbridge, Cellar #8, is where Louis Martini, J.Lohr and Coppola live

Don't ask me how these things worked, but I sped through those tests so fast it felt as though I'd blacked out.

The final certification for training meant a 'mock serving' of the managers. I was pretty nervous about this as well, because a table of managers is WAY more intimidating than a real table of guests. Thank goodness it ended up being just our training manager and his assistant, who are both pretty laid back and nice. When it was my turn to serve them, they realized they were starving so instead of using the training mode and pretending to bring items, I actually served them lunch.

My "Controlled Chaos" theory worked, and I didn't miss a single step of service. I refilled drinks when I saw glasses half-full, and my entrées came out the moment they finished their soups/salads. I felt really confident about how it went, and am happy to report the managers were extremely impressed. In fact, he told me I scored the highest out of the 12 servers in training. Oh, AND I got 100% on my wine and alcohol test!

Ok, so I'm a perfectionist. Could be worse. Rigatoni D, here we come!!!

And if you've never enjoyed Rigatoni D, here it is! Rigatoni pasta, tossed in a creamy marsala wine sauce with button mushrooms, caramelized onions, and fresh basil/parsley...by far, the most popular dish at Bloggiano's. (Thanks Yelp for the pic!)

It's in the packet!

I've been a Bloggiano's slave trained for 38 hours this week. Naturally, the combination of early hours and amount of time spent trapped in a room with the same 12 people is starting to get me....well, everyone.

The Old Lady of our group is driving me (and quite a few others) totally crazy. She NEVER stops talking. She calls out answers before the question is even finished, and is hardly ever correct. Carryout Guy tried to list off the ingredients of an antipasti salad and she insisted there were no tomatoes in it. Guess what. There are. And as stereotypical as it may be, she can't use a computer to save her life. I also caught her using the "IN" door to the kitchen as an "OUT," which is not only lazy but also very dangerous. Way to start the first week with bad habits, Old Lady.

I'd like to think the Manager training us likes everyone, but today I discovered even HE finds Old Lady annoying.

At the end of every day, we go through the Food Test for the next day. And every day, Old Lady slows us down because when the Manager announces a question that will be on the test like, "Describe the Chicken Piccata to a guest," and reads the answer, she makes him slow down and repeat it so she can write down every ingredient. This would be normal except that we have a huge packet with ALLLLL of the descriptions/ingredients written out for us to study.

Wow, look at that! A packet with all the ingredients and descriptions written out! Amazing!

At the end of the day, everyone just wants to get out of there and when she's unnecessarily slowing us down, each person has said, "It's in the packet," at some point or another while rolling their eyes and screaming in their heads. Our Manager, who is also exhausted, had enough today and when she did it again he hinted to the group, "Just so you know, this is ALL in the packet!" He pointed to Old Lady and then threw his hands in the air. Just the fact that he brought it up, sent me into uncontrollable laughter. Maybe it was the sugar high from the Pumpkin Cheesecake, Creme Brulee, and NY Cheesecake I ate prior, but I laughed so hard I cried.  The best worst part is Old Lady was still oblivious.
The best part of the story is that the Manager followed in my laughter and joked with me saying, "It's not funny, Lindsay."


Made my day.

I can tie a tie.

I never understand why server uniforms have to be so unflattering.

Seriously. I've never had a uniform I looked good in. How is a girl supposed to use her femininity to get bigger tips (Ya, we do that. And yes, it's completely fair.) if I have to wear a men's oxford white button down shirt that is way too big on me?? And don't get me started on the fashionable shoe designs created by "Shoes for Crews."

Every time I leave a restaurant job, I promise myself I will NEVER have to be a server again. I'm going to get a real job, with weekends and holidays off, benefits, and a desk with post-its in every color and shape. The best way to declare this step... is by throwing my ugly server clothes in the dumpster! It's the most gratifying experience, Office Space style. I can breathe easier once those marinara and olive oil-stained white shirts are out of my sight.

But then, after about a year goes by (or in this case, a year and a half) I find myself needing those Dickie's and non-slip shoes AGAIN and I'm thinking why, why, WHY didn't I keep that stuff??

At least I know how to tie a tie, unlike a lot of guys I know.... (Hi Ryan)

Your table is ready

Welcome to "Gratutity Not Included!" My name is Lindsay, and I'll be your server for this blog. Would you like to hear about today's specials?

I hate to admit it but, I love the restaurant life! I'm not a morning person, so a shift starting no earlier than 11am suits me. I have quite a bit of experience first working at a well known family style Italian restaurant whose name rhymes with... Bloggiano's. Hired as a hostess simply for having a personality boobs that appealed to my manager, I quickly became the girl who was always getting yelled at by every guest. No no...I was a GREAT hostess, but Bloggiano's likes to overbook their reservations, and no one likes to be told they'll be sat at around 7:45pm for their 7:00pm reservation.

After fleeing the corporate restaurant world, I joined the "Crazy Ones," as the owner called us, at a small family-owned Italian Kitchen in Orange County known for its over-the-top friendliness, making every guest feel right at home. Sounds cheesy, right? Like extra mozzarella on my baked ziti cheesy...but it's remarkably comforting. With around 15 employees, it is truly a family...though a dysfunctional one, and I will always remember my time there.

So what's up with this blog? Well, I am officially putting my non-slip shoes back on to re-enter the world of a server. It's not exactly where I thought I'd be at nearly 26 years old, but hey... I get to blame the economy, right?

While restaurant folks tend to bitch and complain about bad tips, bad schedules, and permanently smelling like garlic (maybe that's just me), I prefer to see the pure comedy in all of it. The restaurant life is crazy, but at least it's full of good stories!

Bon Apetit!